| 5:30p |
56. I am grateful for gel pens. I can't believe I am only discovering the wonder that is gel pens now. In 2008. At the age of twenty. I don't care - they are so pretty.
57. I am grateful to be able to see things. Okay. It was not so great when nobody understood it, and for a long time it contributed very heavily to my teenage misery. Not just because everybody thought I was crazy, but also because at that point the only things I saw were ghosts and monsters. It's better now. I don't really know how to elaborate without sounding even more unbalanced, but it's better now. I can see auras.
58. I am grateful for people's unselfconscious happiness. That was not well phrased. I think society kind of subtly conditions us into solemnity.
I remember this one time when Tom was high on catnip and I was trying to brush him. Cats are inherently funny, but Dad just lost it. I had this moment of, "Oh my God, Dad, you're capable of laughter! I fucking love you."
59. I am grateful for my messenger bag. I love my messenger bag. |
| 10:43p |
So I've worked out why I've been down lately. I think I'm actually very lonely. Not just because I broke up with my special person. I miss being close to people.
I was at meditation class tonight. I've finished this notebook - I'll have to get another one. I was flipping through it and I found the page from when we did automatic writing. It's kind of making me cry. I don't want to type it all out (not least because if someone asked me to actually explain automatic writing, I'd be like, " ... I can't?"), but I've got here "you are not alone" and "keep going. be strong. it will get easier" and "remember who you are and what you are going to do". Oh, universe.
Current Music: Where Is My Mind - Placebo |