Below are 20 journal entries, after skipping by the 20 most recent ones recorded in Roseblight Zebra-Hooves-Backward's InsaneJournal:

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Tuesday, June 24th, 2008
11:46 pm	You know that life is trying to teach you something when a problem is repeating itself, right? The thing that seems to come up over and over again with me is that you can't look to other people to give you the love you're so desperate for; you have to love yourself, and your self-love has to be enough on its own. Is that what emotional independence is? Either way, it's something I really, really wish I didn't have to do. Regular independence, sure, fine, bring it on, but I still feel like I need someone who will give me a hug at the end of the day. The universe is saying, "No, Frances. You have to be able to walk it by yourself." (Comment on this)
Friday, June 13th, 2008
10:59 pm	Martinbird has moved out. He was weirdly sweet to me when he was packing up his stuff. I don't know. I just ... so much stuff going on in my head: exams, anorexia, self-identification, existentialism, relationships, money. Take it away. Current Mood: tired (Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 11th, 2008
12:17 pm	Violinists cannot have long shiny brightly-coloured talon fingernails. Sadface. (Comment on this)
Saturday, June 7th, 2008
8:51 pm	84 As a 1930s wife, I am Very Superior Take the test! Ahahaha, oh no. I had my eighty-eight Australian bush flowers exam yesterday. Far easier than I'd anticipated - I finished it in one hour out of the three they gave us. Everyone was done within two. So one more exam and five more assignments and I will have completed my first semester at university. I'm so happy. (Comment on this)
Thursday, June 5th, 2008
8:15 pm	The more nervous I am, the more makeup I wear. Right now, I look like Liza Minelli. But I believe it also signals a determination to conquer the situation. Like war paint, I guess. (Comment on this)
Friday, May 30th, 2008
5:53 pm	Probably better to ignore this. Realisation: The anorexia is coming back. Realisation version 1.21: No, Frankie. The thought patterns associated with the anorexia are coming back, because you're feeling insecure about your body, because you're gaining weight, because you've stopped exercising and are eating poorly, because your parents are away and you're cramming for finals. Thoughts: I refuse to do anything with this until the Goddamn exams are over. Then I can cut out sugar and start walking again. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 27th, 2008
1:40 pm	I'm feeling sort of strange. Broke up with my (special?) person again. Trying not to let myself react in a completely self-destructive way, so that means I'm upstairs by myself looking at Amazon and listening to Pachelbel's Canon on repeat so I don't think too much. I really have to go downstairs and do some work. I'll get my assignment finished, but, like, it's not finished yet. I'm all right, actually. I'm all right now. Current Music: Canon In D Major - Pachelbel (Comment on this)
Friday, May 23rd, 2008
3:13 pm	I got my Health and Happiness exam results back today. I might be in shock? I'm proud of myself though. It wasn't easy - I mean, I wasn't even sure I was going to pass. BUT I DID. Our lecturer was like, "... and Frances, who got 100%," and a bunch of people hugged me. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 21st, 2008
12:55 am	Writing to my parents is proving kind of challenging. I'm trying to avoid phrases like "Marty and I made honey jumbles last night in lieu of dinner" and "it's only been a week but we've nearly gone through all the money you left us" and "I made an apple pie but it exploded in the oven - the oven is mostly clean again now but it starts billowing smoke every time I try to cook things in it". So I'm casting around for other things to say. "Think I may get one of my assignments finished by the due date. Not sure about the other six." Current Mood: responsible (Comment on this)
Monday, May 19th, 2008
10:14 pm	Augh. Okay. I can do this. Focus. Focus. When we're finished I'll buy you a CD. Current Music: Canon In D Major - Pachelbel (Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 14th, 2008
8:08 pm	Today I have had nothing to eat but champagne and ice-cream. This is how good I am at taking care of myself. I really want to make a Death Note vid to Placebo's Infra-Red. No, Frances! You have enough retarded projects as it is. And assignments! Moving on: 60. I am grateful to have finished my mid-semester exams. This whole thing is still at the stage where I feel like every new challenge is going to be my undoing. But I survived, and even probably did pass. Hell to the yes. 61. I am grateful to have someone with the necessary tenacity. 62. I am grateful for sugared almonds. One of my greatest physical vices. (There are a lot.) I don't even care, they are divine. 63. I am grateful to have that t-shirt I wanted. Eternal thanks to singsonggirl who is awesome. 64. I am grateful for the telephone. Aren't we all. 65. I am grateful for passionfruit. 66. I am grateful to have the universe taking care of me. This one kind of baffles me. It's like every time I need something - more time, more money, some particular ... anything - circumstances conspire to drop it into my lap. I would put this down to coincidence and good fortune if it didn't happen over and over and over again. Thank you, universe. 67. I am grateful for my tattoo. It's not much, but. It's something I can see every day of my life and be reminded of who I am and what I've done and what I'm going to do. That means a lot to me. I think I'm going into study lockdown for the next ... five weeks (yeah, shut up), so journal entries and comments are likely to be even fewer and further between. I still love you all. (Comment on this)
Sunday, May 11th, 2008
9:54 am	Mum and Dad left for Los Angeles yesterday morning, so now it's just me and my brother and the cat. Marty's been a lot better than I would have thought on the company front, actually. I'm really tired. I think it's the silence. But I have a lot to do. Finals start in three weeks and I do not want a repeat of the epic disaster that was cramming for mid-semesters. Watch me learn. Later I am going to make a salad, for I suspect my eating habits are going to take a nosedive without Mum here. This afternoon I want to go for a long walk. Current Mood: heavy (Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 7th, 2008
12:58 pm	Mum and Dad are leaving for the US on Saturday, for three and a half weeks. Me: So I know they both told you not to just take off and leave me at home by myself the whole time, but it's cool, do whatever you want. Marty: Nah, it's okay. Half the reason I'm never here is because they're so annoying. Me: All ri- wait, I'm not annoying? Marty: Not ... as annoying. Me: ^.^ And that is a rather excellent summarisation of my relationship with my brother. (Comment on this)
Thursday, May 1st, 2008
2:18 pm	Kill. Me.
Friday, April 25th, 2008
1:22 pm	I was about fourteen when I went to my first meditation class. There are a lot of different styles of meditation and though the people I met there were fantastic and really nice, that particular one was not for me, and I left after about seven or eight months never to make further efforts on that front until I met Tammy a couple of years later. It was out on an acreage and this guy had this little scrappy house and trees and goats and occasionally a bonfire. He never charged for anything, and he smoked constantly and told a lot of stories. He wasn't really a teacher though. But he was nice to me and pretty much anybody who ever needed anything ever - people would stay with him when they didn't have a place. I remember this other guy I met there once - he was only young and from what I gathered, doing the Psychic Wanderer thing. Him: So, you still at school? Me: *unhappy pause* Um. Sort of. Him: Yeah. I hated school too. Got beat up all the time. People used to call me "witch" and "freak" cause I could see shit. Don't worry about it, it'll get better. Me: Okay. I only met him the once, so I'd forgotten that ever happened. But I thought of it today and it was like, "Ohhh ..." because it makes me feel so much better every time I see another person with a similar freakshow journey. I mean, one could argue that we all have freakshow journeys, and that's true, but at the same time ... I can't finish that sentence without sounding like a poseur, so screw it. I have such love for psychics not accepted or understood. (Comment on this)
Thursday, April 17th, 2008
4:24 pm	I can see ... things. I also frequently fear for my sanity, but I want to write this down. I had a music lesson yesterday and my teacher was playing, and I noticed her violin and bow were both glowing. Or maybe glowing is the wrong word. It was like faint white mist, and over the strings it was swirling a little from the movement of the bow. Me: *jawdrop* Her: Okay, now you try. Me: Would you, um, play that for me one more time? (Comment on this)
Saturday, April 12th, 2008
11:17 pm	Oh, God. Where's my rewind button? Unrelatedly, we had a garage sale today. It was ... epic. Tomorrow we deal with the aftermath of everything that failed to sell and what to do with it. Current Mood: forlorn (Comment on this)
Friday, April 11th, 2008
3:27 pm	My assessment due dates are now back to the 2nd of May. Ohthankgod. Current Mood: relieved (Comment on this)
Monday, April 7th, 2008
8:34 pm	( Francesca writes from Binna Burra ) (Comment on this)
Sunday, April 6th, 2008
12:02 am	From unlovablehands: 1. Reply to this post, and I will pick four of your icons. 2. Make a post (including the meme info) and talk about the icons I chose. 3. Other people can then comment to you and make their own posts. 4. This will create a never-ending cycle of icon squee! unlovablehands picked for me: 1. Claudia by incosmiccaravan See, look at her adorable bonnet and her sharp little teeth. Claudia has so much intelligence and depth as a character, and her story is such a horrible and tragic one. Other people have said it better. I love her. 2. Chasers by void_stuff This is the Chaser team re-enacting the Riva Coffee commercial on their comedy/satire show The Chaser's War On Everything. They've sort of turned "public nuisance" into an art form. Sometimes they're very funny, and sometimes I want to kick them. This, though, amuses me endlessly. 3. Victoria Frances - Violin by kc_anathema In addition to the fact that Victoria Frances draws some of the most beautiful art I've ever seen, I play the violin, and I have never quite gotten over my dark teenage romantigoth phase (see: Interview With The Vampire). 4. Love Fandom by misanagi In the wake of strike/boldthrough there were many and sundry creative fantastic icon and banner-making efforts. This icon is one of them, and awoke me to the fact that I had no general fandomlove icon in my limited repitoir. Fandom is my anti-drug. ♥ (Comment on this)